Where do I begin to express how I am feeling right now! My heart hurts so badly. Is this karma? If it is then it’s nothing any off you can imagine. Let’s see, okay! Turn of events… because I am a reserved personality individual, I do not always convey my emotions well. What I am going through or have experienced doesn’t really show on me. Take my appearance for example; I still think my look & physical doesn’t tell you 30yrs old!
I hate this world!!! MONEY really controls our lives… When I had a steady income all is fine! As soon as my income stopped flowing momentarily is where it all started. I lose myself! I really feel the pressure of being the only child. Nothing seems to go right, nobody will understand. Not even people which claim they love you. Maybe it’s my ego, maybe not… should I be proud to tell people that I am broke and is really struggling day by day! Who would care? In the society nowadays, whenever you step foot outside your home, you would be required to spend money.
Maybe it is very hard for people to understand why suddenly I am always hibernating at home. It’s not the fact I am anti-social, I enjoy going out! It hurts me even to reject an invitation out! Who doesn’t like to hang-out with your love ones?
Come on! If you haven’t been poor in your life you would never know how insecure the feeling is! Being a person with integrity I try hard not to borrow any $$$ from my dear friends.
Through the journey of life with a loved person, I hope that at times you will look back at what I have done for you. I always wish the best for you. When money wasn’t an issue, I did do everything just to make you love me more! A few things also, you were the 1st one in my life which I have never done for anyone before. I’m proud to say that I love you. What I am not proud of is always having the feeling of indifferences. The thought of our families of different background and status, scares me. All I said to you is you will never understand! However it’s my pride which doesn’t allow me to explain and try to make you understand where I stand and how I feel.
This is where my mistake began. Because I was not ready to explain why I wasn’t willing to come to you. However I try… with little steps, I try to warm up to you and your family. Circumstances and situation doesn’t allow me to continue so… When I was questioned why I stopped!!! I again did not explain myself, how foolish of me!
Our misunderstanding grew larger and our relationship gap grew wider!!!
This reached a point where we care less of each other. Here is where the hurt began and we turn to our busy lives to try not to think or handle it!
Both are defeated… a once beautiful story and the envy of many has turn into my greatest lesson in life.
THE END



